Children that Bully.
Posted: August 17, 2017
A friend of mine wrote this and with her permission I am featuring this on my blog. Please read and enjoy. Feel free to contact us at the academy if you have any further questions.
Children that Bully
By Melody Shuman
We all know that bullies appear to be confident and have high self-esteem. What you may not know is that bullies are hiding their weaknesses through their intimidation techniques. The problem is many bullies are not bad people – they are just not very good at dealing with their problems.
Now, a lot of lessons that you hear about bullying are geared towards the victim, or the person being bullied. But what you may not realize is that the ones being bullied are not the ones who need the most help. It’s the bullies that are the ones with the serious problems. If we all worked together to address the bullies, then they would not bully other people, which means there would be no victims of bullying.
With that said, let’s take a look at the most common characteristics of bullies:
- Many have pro-violent attitudes. Violence triggers adrenaline because pain is a major fear of human beings. People that like violence feel the adrenaline rush triggered by the fear of pain and they mistakenly become attracted to it because their energy level increases. There are many safer and smarter ways to increase energy that bullies just haven’t figured out yet.
- Bullies are typically hot-tempered. People that get angry quickly do not know how to control their emotions. In fact, many hot-tempered people will swear that outside sources control their feelings. Again, bullies just haven’t figured out that they CAN control their own emotions.
- Bullies are usually impulsive. This means that they make decisions too quickly without weighing in the results of their actions. They think that the faster they react, the smarter and more quick-witted they are compared to their opponent. Bullies don’t realize that they are smarter when they make better decisions. It is not how quickly you make a decision that makes you smart, but the thoroughness of weighing the cause and effect that is actually what makes people smart.
- Bullies usually lack Empathy. People that enjoy watching others suffer do not understand how to put themselves in other people’s shoes. They are one-sided and only see the world from their own eyes. If bullies learned how to look at the world from other people’s perspectives then they wouldn’t bully others.
Now that we all understand the most common characteristics of bullies, let me ask you a few questions regarding tactics that bullies use to harass others…
- Question: Based on your knowledge of bullying, can you name the four tactics that bullies use to harass others?
Answer: Verbal intimidation, emotional attacks, physical aggression, and cyber bullying.
- Question: Can you tell me what verbal intimidation is and how can we take a stand against this bullying tactic?
Answer: Verbal intimidation includes name-calling, taunting, and teasing. Realistically, this is an imaginary weapon as long and the person being bullied is smart enough to know that words are only words. Take a stand against verbally intimidating bullies by walking away, using humor to diffuse their words, or simply asking them to cut it out.
- Question: Can you tell me what emotional attacking is and how we can take a stand against this bullying tactic?
Answer: Emotional attacks include gossiping and gathering other “bullies” to take part in destroying one’s social placement. This is a tactic that isn’t so effective when people are smart enough to not let the bully coerce them into ganging-up on others just for fun or for their own personal social status. In fact, people that help bullies spread gossip or gang-up on others are just as wrong as the bully. Take a stand against emotionally attacking bullies by rejecting their request to help gang-up on another.
- Question: Can you tell me what physical aggression is and how we can take a stand against this bullying tactic?
Answer: Physical aggression includes pushing, hitting, tripping, or sometimes sexual assaults. This form of bullying is dangerous not only for the victim but for the bully too. People that engage in physical aggression can end up in jail or the hospital, and this can lead to many life-long limitations if they take it too far. Take a stand against physically aggressive bullies by telling authorities immediately. If you let bullies get away with physical harm, they will continue and eventually something really bad can happen.
- Question: Can you tell me what cyber bullying is and how we can take a stand against this bullying tactic?
Answer: Cyber bullying is a method in which a bully uses text messaging and the Internet to intimidate others. Many bullies are resorting to this type of harassment because they do not have to confront the victim face-to-face. Take a stand against cyber bullies by turning off your phone, not responding to their messages, blocking the bully, and even reporting it to your service provider.
It’s disappointing when you see people watch their friends or peers pick on others and don’t do anything about it. You can do your part to help counter-attack bullying. Here are five strategies for dealing with bullies that pick on others:
- Assert yourself. Standing tall, use a strong voice saying: “Stop picking on the new kid. It doesn’t make you look cool.”
- Use “I want.” Address the bully by saying: “I want you to leave him alone,” or “I want you to stop.”
- Question it. Respond with a question: “Why would you say that?” or “Why do you feel the need to harass others?”
- Ignore it. Bullies love to pick on others to make other people laugh. If you hear a bully picking on someone in an attempt to try and make the rest of the room laugh, pretend that you didn’t hear them when they tease someone, walk away without looking at them, quickly look at something else and laugh, or look completely uninterested.
- Make Fun of the Teasing. Reply to bullies by saying something like: “Wow, did you think of that all on your own?”
Bullying is considered an epidemic in many societies. The problem is bullying leads to many serious problems such as depression, injuries, and in some cases death. It’s a hard truth to swallow, but it can be prevented. If you have a friend that is a bully, here’s how you can help:
- Talk to them. Most bullies have their own emotional problems and take it out on others. Ask them if they would like to talk. Share your concerns about their actions towards others and offer to help them improve their behavior and attitude.
- Tell an adult. Bullying can turn into more serious behavior problems if it is left unaddressed. If one of your friends is bullying others to the extent that you feel they are becoming dangerous to others and/ or themselves, then speak with your parents, school counselor, or teacher that you trust.
- Motivate them to find a hobby. Many bullies have poor behavior because they are bored, have no outlet for their energy, or they do not have enough positive support from others. You can help your friend with these problems by motivating them to get involved in a sport or hobby. Martial Arts is a great hobby that builds confidence and positive social interaction.
Bullying doesn’t have to be an epidemic. We all can help cure our society of bullying if we work together. Do your part to counter-attack bullying. Your actions can save a life!